Monsters in Life

I’ve been so pissed off lately to people who keep on bugging me with my life. I hate people who think that they know what’s best for you. I mean hello, you may think you know what’s best for me but noo...you don’t have the power to change what I want in my life. After all, it is MY life not yours. Some people tend to interfere in other people’s lives but they don’t even have the single idea that they too need to change their own lives as well. I give exceptions to parents though because they were the ones who made you so they have some say to how you live your life. And I thank God for giving me such understanding parents who respects me with my own decisions in my life. They don’t really bug the hell out of me like this one stupid person. Let’s call her “monster”.

Monster doesn’t know her limits. She’s very open to her ideas and she blabs about everything. She doesn’t know when to stop or she doesn’t know if she’s hurting other people already. She thinks she’s always right and is always doing or saying the right things but damn, it’s the opposite. She’ll bribe you with things at first but afterward... you have to be her slave and do everything she wants you to do. That’s how worst monster is. She’ll be good to you at first but after everything, she’ll back stab you and say bad things behind your back. But when other people are there, she’ll act nice and innocent. She’s very jealous if you get all the credit and would find ways to turn the tables around and be the innocent hero to the story when the truth is she’s the villain. I hate the fact that monster uses God as a reason to be innocent in everything that she does. She thinks that if she mentions God’s name, she would be the “good servant”. C’mon! Wake up! You of all people should know that you cannot use the Lord’s name in vain. I couldn’t stand all her complaints and grumbles about everything and everyone. MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS AND STAY THE HELL OUTTA MY LIFE!!

don't you just hate liars?

the world is full of lies and liars...

people tell you something but mean it another way...

people makes promises but breaks it along the way...

don't you just hate liars?..

i know i do..

Memories....

When tomorrow starts without me,And I'm not there to see,If the sun should rise and find your eyesAll filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cryThe way you did today,While thinking of the many things,We didn't get to say.I know how much you love me,As much as I love you,And each time that you think of me,I know you'll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me,Please try to understand,That an angel came and called my name,And took me by the hand,And said my place was ready,In heaven far above,And that I'd have to leave behindAll those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away,A tear fell from my eyeFor all my life, I'd always thought,I didn't want to die.I had so much to live for,So much left yet to do,It almost seemed impossibleThat I was leaving you. I thought of all the yesterdays,The good ones and the bad,I thought of all the love we shared,And all the fun we had.If I could relive yesterday,Just even for a while,I'd say good-bye and kiss youAnd maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized,That this could never be,For emptiness and memories,Would take the place of me.And when I thought of worldly things,I might miss come tomorrow,I thought of you, and when I did,My heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven's gates,I felt so much at home.When God looked down and smiled at me,From His great golden throne,He said, "This is eternity,And all I've promised you.Today your life on earth is past,But here life starts anew. I promise no tomorrow,But today will always last,And since each day's the same wayThere's no longing for the past.You have been so faithful,So trusting and so true.Though there were times you did some thingsYou knew you shouldn't do. But you have been forgivenAnd now at last you're free.So won't you come and take my handAnd share my life with me?"So when tomorrow starts without me,Don't think we're far apart,For every time you think of me,I'm right here, in your heart.

this never stops making me cry... :(

moving on...

A strangled smile fell from your faceWhat kills me that I hurt you this wayThe worst part is that I didn't even knowNow there's a million reasons for you to goBut if you can find a reason to stayI'll do whatever it takesTo turn this aroundI know what's at stakeI know that I've let you downAnd if you give me a chanceBelieve that I can changeI'll keep us together whatever it takes
- Lifehouse “whatever it takes”



I finally found myself some time to blog. I know I have been so quiet lately. Well, believe me…there’s lotsa reasons behind this quietness.

For the past months and weeks, I’ve been busy… with school, family, friends, love, and of course…problems. Yes. I’ve never been that girl who asks for help whenever she had a problem. I’m just the “keep-it-to-yourself” type of girl. I don’t usually share my problems except if I really needed to release the fire in me…and I only tell it to those people whom I really trust. If you’re one of them…well, you’re one of my true friends. But lately, I don’t feel the need to discuss my problems to others. Even if it haunts me even in my dreams, I just…let it flow. I try to get busy in school and also try not to think about it but sometimes…you just can’t fight fate (I guess). This stupid fate finds a way to make you face the problems you’re trying to avoid. Well, I guess that’s the way the world revolves. And hell yeah, I can’t do anything about it.

I really miss the past, but I’m really trying my best to erase some of the memories. Sometimes I wish I have a memory card in my brain where I can erase or delete some memories…but what I just put in my mind is that memories are there to shape and complete you. may it be good or bad memories.

In times of my problems, I just realized that NO..you can’t erase memories…and you can’t turn back time or take back what you already said or did. The only thing you can do is Move On and Change.

And that has been my new year’s resolution and goal for this year. To move on and change. I promised myself that whatever happens, I’ll forgive and forget and accept the good and the bad. If I want things to happen, I’ll take the risk and not waste time because I don’t want to experience regret and “what if’s” anymore.

Anyway, so much for my first blog this year. I hope I can update every week. School’s hella crazy lately. So many schoolworks. Goodbye social life. I’ll see you when I graduate.

If ever you read this entry the whole way through…thanks for your time

Lotsa love, LP ♥

hello birthday girl..

hoping for a "happy" birthday tomorrow...

*crosses fingers*

just a little something to remind me of.....

You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracles of life when we allow the unexpected to happen.
Every day, God gives us the sun - and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Everyday, we try to pretend that we haven’t perceived that moment, that it doesn’t exist - that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. But if people really pay attention to their everyday lives, they will discover that magic moment. It may arrive in the instant when we are doing something mundane, like putting our frontdoor key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quite that follows the lunch hour or in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. But that moment exists - a moment when all the power of the stars become a part of us and enable us to perform miracles.
Joy is sometimes a blessing, but is is often a conquest. Our magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.
Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won’t suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that person looks back - and at some point everyone looks back - she will hear her heart saying, “What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage; the certainty that you wasted your life.”
Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life’s magic moments will have already passed them by.

... i miss... i miss..... :(

trapped

Ever had this feeling that you’re trapped? Well, I feel this everyday. I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel happy or sad about it. But for some reason, I feel suffocated. I’m getting utterly tired. I don’t know if I can cope up with this any longer. I just hope for a brighter future ahead. Because now… everything’s so blurry.
I gotta learn NOT to EXPECT anymore. Be numb again to not feel the pain. I really have no idea why I keep on living this kinda life. Sometimes I dream of escaping. But I have no idea how. I don’t even know if I can leave all of my memories behind. Somehow I wish I have amnesia. Crazy, right.
I am living in my nightmare. I couldn't escape. I can’t run away, I can’t breathe.
My sickness is getting worst and you’re not helping. Thanks a lot.

Effing sweetness. Big deal.

I was hoping this would be a great month… ha! I should really learn fast not to get my hopes up anymore. I don’t even want to think about what’s gonna happen on the 23rd. hell I care!. No… I don’t care anymore.

I want to escape.

enough is enough and im not enough...

music defines me. i was in starbucks at 6am..thoughts fill my mind while i was listening to my ipod....

Goodnight goodnight by Maroon 5.
Over you by Daughtry


I never saw this coming, not that I’m a psychic or something but I never thought I would feel this way again. Numb. Feeling nothing but emptiness. Maybe this time I really feel like it’s enough. I’ve had enough of all the bullshits and dramas.

“I’ve given my heart and if that’s not enough for you, them I’m not enough for
you”- Haley James Scott

If he can’t be by Frankie J

Damn. Why is loving so hard? Or is it just the persons involve making it hard? Maybe some were made not to understand love. But somehow, there’s still some people giving me hope that love still exist. Not in a way that I’m in a trapped kinda love but love in a way that it really makes me happy. Thank you for that, my safe harbor.

I think I’m having dejavu from my experience before which I really tried to ignore. I’m caught in between again, like I have to make a choice. But I don’t want to. I never want to. Why is it that choices are made to be so difficult?

My first love by Passion

Yes. He is my first love. But I don’t know if he’ll be my last. I was hoping before, but now I don’t know. I know that all the first love has the greatest impact in life, well, that’s what I realize from my friends. I don’t know for others. I don’t know for myself. It’s so natural to say that you gave your all for this so called love. Everyone says that. Well I did. But I don’t think it was enough for him. Maybe someday he’ll realize that… but I just hope it’s not late.

For you I will by Teddy Geiger

Maybe its just me. Maybe I expected too much. I know for sure that expecting is one way of hurting yourself. Yes. I was expecting too much. I was hoping he would be my prince charming, does he really exist anyway?. I was so fooled to believe that someday my prince will come. Damn snow white. That’s why I hate love songs. Like the guys would really do what they’re singing. Uhhh sorry bitter.

I shiver just thinking of my future. I don’t want to think of it. I’m not strong enough. It’s so hard to think that everything’s going to be alright. That I would be saved from this nightmare. That I will really feel happy. That things will go my way.

I’ve had enough. Just thinking of these stuffs overwhelms me. Enough.

Dreams

“being reckless was paying off better
than I’d thought. Forget cheating.” – Bella




I’ve been wanting to blog for two or three days already but it’s so hard to find time for yourself these days. This is the only time I can spare from all the school works I’ve been doing. Its actually 2:15am. Heck.
Well, I’ve been reading “new moon” just a while ago when I encountered the line above which is thought of by bella. It kinda struck a nerve and it backfired my plan for everything.
I made plans to..well..change everything. But it was so hard.
I had sleepless nights trying to think things through.
It really bothered me.
I don’t know why I’m so bothered whenever my friends don’t feel happy. Especially when I’m the reason.
I really don’t like it when people get sad or feel miserable because of what I did, what I will do…or just simply because of me.
Im the type of person who really wants and maybe NEED to make people happy. I cant stand loneliness..sadness..despair.. I hate that.
All I want in my life is to love, be loved and to be the reason of happiness to others. (this was actually said to me by my professor in mandarin who studied feng shui!!! He even told me that I wouldn’t care forgetting about myself just for the sake of others…well so true.)
I know I cant make ALL people happy… but that reason is not enough. I want everything to be perfect. All happy.
This is not a nice feeling to carry around. I tried to act normal especially with…but at night, it all comes back. I cant feel this way especially now that we’re bombarded with school shits. I feel so tired but I cant even rest well at night.
So anyway…while I read bella’s lines or thought, it occurred to me that maybe I can be like her. Be reckless. I gotta try this..this might work..damn. I should not care so much about the future..just enjoy life right now…while im still alive (drama!)
But seriously, I gotta be positive now. I don’t want to cheat my life, my thoughts and lie to myself.
This time, I’ll go with the flow. Nothing’s perfect.
People are not usually ready for nightmares…but they enjoy their dreams.

Sweet dreams…
Welcome to dream land.

"epiphany"

"let go of the past and move on..."

well..i've encountered another conversation with him regarding the past..and...i've learned something...by the way he talked about it..it made me realize that...i have to be numb..i have to think positive and let go of whatever feeling i had of his past... and to think of it..he's got A LOT going on with his past... girls..fights...friends..and more...

before, i used to be so uber jealous of his past..all his stories of his past courtships..and whatsoever...

but now...i can say... that i moved on :)

im just so proud of myself that im beginning to feel this way..and just enjoy my time with him...

im not afraid anymore of my future with him..because i learned another new thing today from my professor Mrs. Antee :)

she told us about her lovelife..and well..she's still inlove with her 1st boyfriend even though she's got a husband already...but the important fact is that her husband knows about it and they(her first bf and her hubby) met several times already..but still Mrs. Antee kept her feelings and held on to her relationship with her husband...and the best part is...she told us her husband is soo boastful..but she still loves him because of what the bible said that the women should be submissive to their husband and in return..the husband should love their wife back..the same way God loves the church..he sacrificed himself to save us... :) *mushy*
well..the thing is.. i realize that i should be strong in our relationship..i have to believe that we'll be forever... :) LOVE ♥

but for those who doesn't have MR/MS love...well..time will come..and God will give you the best gift in the world :) you just have to be patient..and once you met him/her...be thankful and don't take them for granted :)

anyway.. lotsa learnings today.. i hope i inspired some of my readers today...


oh and btw..He knows about this blog na.. :)

ps. mariel..sorry..haha..nalaman niya eh...nakita niya while i was checkin it.. LOL..anyway...hope he likes it :)

...

...-M

such a mystery..

LOVE..to live your life fully...

Ian Wyndham: I Love you.
Samantha Andrews: Ooh I Love you too.
Ian Wyndham: I wanna tell you why I love you.
Samantha Andrews: It's... It's raining, you know that right.
Ian Wyndham: I have to tell you this and you need to hear it. I loved you since I met you, but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions soaked with fear... Today, because of you... what I learned from you; every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed... and I've learned that if you do that, then you're living your life fully... it doesn't matter if you have five minutes or fifty years. Samantha if not for today, if not for you I would never have known love at all... So thank you for being the person who taught me to love... and to be love.
Samantha Andrews: I don't know what to say.
Ian Wyndham: You don't have to say anything... I just wanted to tell you.

i watched "if only" again..and as always..i cried.. i really love this movie...if only....haayy...

officially yours :)

craig david's new song :)

Looking how the story goes
Helpless and a wishin'
Put the film inside my mind
but there's a big scene that I'm missing
As I re-read my lines
I think I said this
I should've said that
Did you add me out of your mind
Cause in a flash you were disappeared
Gone

Before the curtain falls
and we act this out again
Maybe I should risk it all and stay
I'm officially going on
the record to say I'm in love with you
I'm officially everything you hoped that I would be
this time I'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
for letting you go the way I did
Unconditionally more? than I ever was before
I'm officially yours

Driving down this road again
Gotta make a few decisions
Don't want you to feel this hurt again
that's why I'm hopin that you're listenin'
If you let me press rewind
I'll rehearse every word
Ishould have said
cause girl I'm ready to make things right
and end the stage so we can move on

and before the curtain falls
and we act this out again
missing pieces of us also stay
I'm officially going on
the record to say I'm in love with you
I'm officially everything you hoped that i would be
this time I'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
for letting you go the way I did
unconditionally more? than I ever was before
I'm officially yours

Things i should have said
like i appreciate the time that I spent with you
Inspire me with a smile I put
on your pretty face
my world comes alive
now I know
this time i'm not letting go
cause I'm officially yours

I'm officially everything you hoped that I would be
this time I'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
For letting you go the way I did
unconditionally more? than I ever was before

I'm officially going on
the record to say I'm in love with you
I'm officially everything you hoped that i would be
this time i'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
For letting you go the way I did
unconditionally more? than I ever was before

Girl I'm unconditionally yours
Officially yours, your man
Girl I'm unconditionally yours
Officially yours, I am

blah..

well i couldnt think of a title for this blog entry.. actually i'm just really bored.. im sleepy but i dont wanna sleep yet.. i feel kinda sad at the moment cuz my rents' are preparing their things for their trip.. oh well.. i just feel like everyone's leaving me..first my brother..then my cousins.. now my parents.. even if they're gonna stay there for like 2 weeks or so..still they are leaving me.. and it really sucks.. im just gonna make myself busy with my ojt and other stuffs..
maybe... i'll find it fun that i'll be by myself for 2 weeks.. :) hopefully...
the sad part is..i cant drive LUNA while my dad is gone :( damn.. sucks for me...arrgghh.. i hate it when i'm not driving...

anyway..suddenly im lovin keyshia cole's "i remember" song :) i just like its beat.. even though the lyrics doesnt fit my current situation :) plus im addicted to ne-yo's song "Together"..and "make it work"..i love neyo's songs.. :) oh i almost forgot..rihanna's "take a bow"..damn..amazing song :)

anyway couldnt think of anything else to write... i'll update again later :) cheerios :x

updates :)

i haven't blogged for so long already... and there are so many things that happened in my life so far...

been working so hard at wowenkho studios with many friends :) im soo glad i got to spend my summer ojt with my soulmate, my sistah and all those MC friends :)

it was really fun and very tiring organizing an event. i learned so many things like vectors and photoshop, illustrator and silkscreen :) hope to learn more..

my dad actually allowed me to drive "luna"(that's what i call my car) till my work place which was at marcos highway.. :) i love driving :))

and btw i never really blogged about being in the church choir..YES! i am part of the choir..i soo love singing..im an alto :) i love singing for God..well since my band (infant praise) couldn't get together to practice..atleast i got the choir to keep me busy..and also im part of the music ministry for the JILGS youth service..i play the piano and do back-up vocals :)

i also learned how to play neyo's "Together" :) it's my inspiration song to actually learn how to play the piano...and now im so addicted to it :) and i also borrowed my cousin's electric drum..and im also sssooooo addicted to it :) haha...

well i got so bored today that's why i blogged..while watching the OC season 4 which i watched like 10 times already... :))

well my boss is explaining the silkscreening project..gotta listen...later loves :))

special delivery :D

its our 42nd Monthsary yesterday :D yey.. staying strong :D i sooo love it..

even though he forgot to greet me by 12am..still we had a fun day...

well i planned my surprise the day before..

i surprised him with a delivery of Yellow Cab Pizza (with hot wings :) and meee :D

he actually thought i was still at my jobplace.. :D

oh well very fun and happy day :D

"love is not a maybe thing"

i remembered the episode of the hills entitlted "love is not a maybe thing"..

Lauren and Heidi are having a relationship talk of their own. Lauren tells Heidi
that "love is not a maybe thing, " to which Heidi counters that there is a
difference between "loving someone and being absolutely in love with
someone."
When Lauren asks Heidi if she is absolutely in love, Heidi admits
that she is
not.

i remembered it because he asked me today if i love him..i said "yes"...then he asked me if i love him so much?...i dont know what to say...i thought about it.."i think so"...i dont know if im absolutely in love with him...i was..but now?..i think i feel this way because of what happened..because of our fight..i just want everything to change...but it's so hard to change especially when our minds are polluted by the negative things we do to each other..i want to change but he keeps track of everytime i get mad at him and keeps on reminding me about it...i mean how can i move on and change if you keep on reminding about those things that i did wrong..i already said sorry...damn..im so lost...i want to love him but he makes it hard to love him...its so hard to be absolutely in love with him...


i feel numb...

emptiness.... :(

Taking it day to day
Living without your face
Looking for easy ways
To fill my head
Losing you in a crowd
Keeping the feelings down
So I forget
Where do I go from here

I tried to, tried to replace you
With everything, but nothing seemed to fit
I want to, but I can't replace you
This emptiness is all you've left me with
All this emptiness

Memories start to fade
I'm thinking i'll be okay
Chasing the pain away
But is it gone
All the familiar signs
Are hiding behind my eyes

But I can't move on
Where do I go from here

I tried to, tried to replace you
With everything, but nothing seemed to fit
I want to, but I can't replace you
This emptiness is all you've left me with
All this emptiness

How long will I know this
Feeling i'm broke with
Pretending i'm alright
Cause i'm done with hiding
I wanna get back to life
I wanna get back to life

I tried to, tried to replace you
With everything, but nothing seemed to fit
I want to, but I can't replace you
This emptiness is all you've left me with
All this emptiness


i cant stop crying...im deeply hurt..i cant breathe...i want to hold on but part of me is dying..im falling out...falling....falling...

i dont know what to feel anymore....

i keep pretending im ok but deep inside...im slowly dying...

my heart is beating slower and slower...

i feel empty :'''(

La Bella Vita....

God wont talk to me
I guess she's pretty busy lately
I'd like to believe
She's listening

I'm starting to feel
All of my bruises imagined are real
And I'll get through each day
I dig through the bad ones
To get to the good ones
Who's keeping score anyway?

And this is my beautiful life
only thing certain is everything changes
The lows and the highs
And all those goodbyes
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing
To be alive
It's a beautiful life

I talk in my sleep
Thats the one place i know no one can hear me
I tell myself things
Don't walk in the shadows
There's always tomorrow
And I'm right where i wanna be

And this is my beautiful life
only thing's certain is everything changes
The lows and the highs
And all those goodbyes
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing
To be alive

It hurts while it's happening
I wanna feel everything
How can you know til you try?
And this is my beautiful life

My beautiful life
only thing's certain is everything changes
The lows and the highs
And all those goodbyes
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing
To be alive
It's a beautiful life

sorry...

i'm sick today... :(
after so many months..ngayon na lang ako ulit tinamaan ng sakit...

this made me realize..baka may nagawa akong masama...


so to all those people na nagawan ko ng masama..na-hurt ko...inaway ko..na-offend ko...-na-snob ko...at iba pa...

"SORRY"

peace na tayooo..hehehe time to start over..and live a new life... mature na ko.hahaha :D

peace y'all :D

love ko kayo..hahaha labo? :p