Wednesday, September 24, 2008


“being reckless was paying off better
than I’d thought. Forget cheating.” – Bella

I’ve been wanting to blog for two or three days already but it’s so hard to find time for yourself these days. This is the only time I can spare from all the school works I’ve been doing. Its actually 2:15am. Heck.
Well, I’ve been reading “new moon” just a while ago when I encountered the line above which is thought of by bella. It kinda struck a nerve and it backfired my plan for everything.
I made plans to..well..change everything. But it was so hard.
I had sleepless nights trying to think things through.
It really bothered me.
I don’t know why I’m so bothered whenever my friends don’t feel happy. Especially when I’m the reason.
I really don’t like it when people get sad or feel miserable because of what I did, what I will do…or just simply because of me.
Im the type of person who really wants and maybe NEED to make people happy. I cant stand loneliness..sadness..despair.. I hate that.
All I want in my life is to love, be loved and to be the reason of happiness to others. (this was actually said to me by my professor in mandarin who studied feng shui!!! He even told me that I wouldn’t care forgetting about myself just for the sake of others…well so true.)
I know I cant make ALL people happy… but that reason is not enough. I want everything to be perfect. All happy.
This is not a nice feeling to carry around. I tried to act normal especially with…but at night, it all comes back. I cant feel this way especially now that we’re bombarded with school shits. I feel so tired but I cant even rest well at night.
So anyway…while I read bella’s lines or thought, it occurred to me that maybe I can be like her. Be reckless. I gotta try this..this might work..damn. I should not care so much about the future..just enjoy life right now…while im still alive (drama!)
But seriously, I gotta be positive now. I don’t want to cheat my life, my thoughts and lie to myself.
This time, I’ll go with the flow. Nothing’s perfect.
People are not usually ready for nightmares…but they enjoy their dreams.

Sweet dreams…
Welcome to dream land.

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